Thursday, November 6, 2025

Urban Life and the Rise of Chronic Stress in Modern Society

Urban Life and the Rise of Chronic Stress in Modern Society

The Rise of Chronic Stress and the Evolutionary Mismatch

Chronic stress is becoming more prevalent, according to evolutionary anthropologist Colin Shaw. He argues that this increase stems from an evolutionary mismatch—our bodies and brains, which have evolved over hundreds of thousands of years for hunter-gatherer conditions, are now exposed to industrialized, urban environments. Is there a solution?

It's the end of July, and it's raining heavily in Zurich. I'm sitting on a foldable chair under the canopy of old-growth beech trees, protected by an umbrella. I take deep breaths as I listen to birdsong breaking through the steady sound of raindrops hitting the forest floor. Water flows down the wide tree trunks, having collected from the branches above. A knotty maze of roots ahead seems to form a natural enclosure. "How was it?" asks a voice.

Colin Shaw walks over from where he had been standing barefoot, in his trekking sandals in the rain for the past few minutes. As an evolutionary anthropologist and head of the Human Evolutionary EcoPhysiology (HEEP) research group at the University of Zurich, he gave me an assignment when we arrived at this clearing on the edge of Zürichberg forest: choose your favorite spot, take in the environment, and focus on each sense step by step. What sounds can you hear? What can you smell? What movements can you observe?

Rolling in the Mud for Science

With these instructions, we aim to recreate part of an experiment that Shaw and his research group conducted last summer. The team, consisting of specialists from ecology, immunology, microbiology, cognitive psychology, and exercise science, had 160 people spend three hours walking and sitting in one of three different environments: Sihlwald, a coniferous forest just outside Zurich; Mont Tendre, a deciduous forest outside Lausanne; and Zurich's Hardbrücke area, an urban setting.

"In the forest," Shaw laughs, "we got people down and dirty, hugging trees, playing with the soil microbiome, and everything else."

Before and after being exposed to the natural and urban environments, the researchers measured a range of biomarkers in participants' blood, saliva, and cognitive capacity. In the woods, people showed significantly lower blood pressure, better immune response, and improved psychological state. In contrast, those in the urban environment exhibited higher blood pressure and strong physiological and psychological stress reactions.

Although we aren't taking any measurements in today’s torrential rain, I can feel the effect of the experiment. In the woodland environment—which, as Shaw points out, is "closer to our ancestral condition than a city environment"—I feel calm. My pulse is steady, and my stress level dissipates. Shaw jokes that the rain may have even improved the dispersal of phytoncides, volatile organic compounds released by trees that offer immune-boosting benefits to humans—as demonstrated by the forest bathing (shinrin-yoku) movement in Japan.

Lions Everywhere

The next experimental setting for today will be a busy intersection. As we walk along a small path and climb over fallen branches to rejoin the main forest road, Shaw gives me a summary of his main research hypothesis. From an evolutionary standpoint, he says, the industrialized, urbanized environments we've built place a chronic stress load on our bodies, taking a toll on both physical and mental health.

"Whereas physicians would talk about this as 'ill health,' we try to determine the evolutionary context to understand whether our surroundings are making us sick—and which environment will help us recover," he says.

In a recent research paper co-authored with Daniel Longman, a longtime collaborator and fellow Cambridge alumnus from Loughborough University, Shaw argues that the extensive environmental shifts of the Anthropocene have undermined human evolutionary fitness.

Evolutionary success of a species amounts to survival and reproduction, and, according to the authors, both factors have been severely compromised in the last 300 years since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. They support their theory with evidence of declining global fertility rates and increases in chronic inflammatory conditions such as autoimmune diseases. They also cite impaired cognitive function in urban environments. Chronic stress plays a key role as the cause of many of these conditions.

"In our ancestral state, we were well-adapted to deal with acute stress to evade or confront predators. Fight or flight. The lion would come around occasionally, and you had to be ready to defend yourself—or run," Shaw explains. "The key is that the lion goes away again. Such an all-out effort guaranteed survival, but it was very costly and required lengthy recovery."

This acute stress response was ideal for mobilizing adrenaline and cortisol while fighting for survival in our hunter-gatherer past. However, it is mismatched for today's steady stream of challenges.

"Our body reacts as though all these stressors were lions," he continues. "Whether it's a difficult discussion with your partner or your boss, or traffic noise, your stress response system is still pretty much the same as if you were facing lion after lion after lion. As a result, you have this very powerful response from your nervous system, but no comedown."

The Hidden Costs of Progress

As we continue our walk down Letzistrasse into the city, the water gushes down the gutter, and the traffic noise, amplified by the rain, swells. "Essentially, there's a paradox where, on the one hand, over the last three hundred years we've created this tremendous wealth and comfort and healthcare for a lot of people on the planet," Shaw speaks louder to be heard over the roar of a large construction vehicle passing by on Winterthurerstrasse.

"But on the other hand, some of these industrial achievements are having quite detrimental effects on our immune, cognitive, physical, and reproductive functions. For example, since the 1950s sperm count and motility rates have dropped dramatically in men, which is tied to pesticides and herbicides in food, but also to microplastics," Shaw says.

As we arrive at the intersection with Irchelstrasse, I get to choose where to set up my foldable chair again. Instinctively, I opt for a corner where I can at least feel the greenery from Irchel Campus behind me. For the next 15 minutes, I observe the heavy traffic approaching from all sides, my eyes darting around. The deafening noise—a mix of roaring engines, water spraying from the wheels, plus jackhammers from roadworks—drowns out any other thought in my brain. My breathing becomes shallower, the entire body tenses up. I'm relieved when Colin Shaw tells me we can now move on to friendlier surroundings, and we head into Irchel Park.

"There was no real danger, yet my jaw is clenched," he states. "It's the constant stimulation. We didn't evolve to be constantly stimulated."

Of course, compared to megacities with tens of millions of inhabitants, such as Tokyo, Delhi, and Shanghai, "Zurich is barely a city," Shaw concedes. "It's surrounded by forests; there's a lake and a river. It also has a comfortable public transit system."

However, research by the HEEP group clearly indicates that even in a city that is frequently ranked among the most livable, urban exposure is physiologically and psychologically stressful and impairs immune function.

Today, an estimated 4.5 billion people—more than half the world's population—live in urban agglomerations. By 2050, that figure is projected to rise to 6.5 billion, or more than two-thirds of humanity. Recognizing industrialization and urbanization as health risks will be crucial for safeguarding public health—or, in evolutionary terms: the fitness of our species.

We Can't Adapt Our Way Out of This

It's hard to believe that our brains have grown accustomed to juggling ever-new digital innovations—yet remain rooted in a prehistoric past when it comes to regulating our nervous systems. Why haven't we adapted to the living conditions that our species has created?

"You could argue that the stress responses we're seeing today are a form of adaptation. However, biological adaptation is very slow. Longer-term genetic adaptations are multigenerational. So that's tens to hundreds of thousands of years," Shaw points out.

"From an evolutionary perspective, if people are dying from chronic stress or stress-related diseases, you could say that this is natural selection taking place. If you let that go on for hundreds of generations, people would probably become better able to deal with chronic stress," he says. Clearly, that's not a feasible solution to our current predicament—a physiological conundrum with no quick evolutionary fix.

So, if there's no way our current physiology will buffer chronic stress, how can we redress this mismatch? According to Colin Shaw, one solution is to fundamentally rethink our relationship with nature—treating it as a key health factor and protecting or regenerating spaces that resemble those from our hunter-gatherer past. Another is to design healthier, more resilient cities.

"I'm not an engineer or an architect," he says, "but our research can identify which stimuli most affect blood pressure or heart rate and pass that knowledge on to decisionmakers."

And both avenues are deeply interconnected, he argues: "We need to get our cities right—and at the same time regenerate, value, and spend more time in natural spaces."

We have returned to his office with a standing desk and no chair. It seems like a small act of defiance against today's sedentary lifestyle, which is so distant from our ancestral condition.

"As an evolutionary anthropologist, my earlier work focused on Neanderthals and bone adaptation, which was fascinating in its own right," Shaw reflects. "But the challenges we face today feel more urgent. Those with the resources—financial or intellectual—have a responsibility to invest them in solving these problems. To me, it's a moral imperative to do the right thing."

Mental Health Pros Reveal Tiny Parenting Mistakes That Haunt Kids Later

Mental Health Pros Reveal Tiny Parenting Mistakes That Haunt Kids Later

The Hidden Impact of Small Parenting Mistakes

Parenting is a complex journey filled with moments of joy, challenge, and learning. While many parents strive to do their best, some small mistakes can have significant long-term effects on their children. Here are some insights from individuals who shared their experiences about the subtle yet impactful parenting choices that shaped their lives.

Letting Kids Explore and Learn

One parent shared that allowing teenagers to experience life, even with some challenges, is crucial. They emphasized that too much restriction can lead to sneaky behavior and a lack of trust. It’s important for kids to learn how to be independent and make their own decisions, within reasonable boundaries.

Respecting Children's Choices

Another perspective highlights the importance of respecting a child’s choices, especially when it comes to food. If a child doesn’t want to eat something, it’s okay to let them throw it away or save it for later. This approach helps children develop a healthy relationship with food and their bodies.

Avoiding Forced Affection

It’s also essential not to force children to hug relatives if they don’t feel comfortable doing so. Children should be allowed to express their feelings without pressure, which fosters genuine connections and respect.

Encouraging Resilience

School counselors emphasize the value of letting kids face failure. By not rushing in to rescue them, parents help build resilience and teach coping skills. This is particularly important in a world where many children are not given the chance to handle challenges on their own.

Listening to Children

A social worker shared the importance of listening to children, especially when they disclose difficult experiences. Ignoring or minimizing their concerns can lead to long-term emotional damage. Believing and supporting children is vital for their mental health and development.

Avoiding Toxic Behavior

Toxic parenting can have severe consequences, including the child cutting off contact. This applies to grandparents as well, highlighting the need for healthy relationships built on mutual respect and understanding.

Avoiding Comparisons

Comparing a child’s experiences to one’s own troubled past can create a harmful mindset. It’s important to focus on the child’s unique journey rather than fostering a sense of competition or inadequacy.

Supporting Interests

Taking an interest in a child’s hobbies and interests can significantly boost their self-esteem. Whether it’s Pokémon cards or golf, showing support and spending quality time together strengthens the parent-child bond.

Treating Children as Equals

Treating children as adults is crucial for their development. When parents fail to recognize their child’s maturity, it can lead to feelings of invalidation and low self-worth. This dynamic can create a toxic environment that hinders communication and emotional growth.

Encouraging Curiosity

Discouraging questions can stifle a child’s natural curiosity. Parents should foster an environment where asking "why" is encouraged, helping children develop critical thinking and a love for learning.

Being Present

Parents who are absent during important events can deeply affect their children. Missing school performances or other milestones can leave lasting emotional scars, making children feel unvalued and unseen.

Validating Feelings

Creating an environment where a child’s feelings are dismissed can lead to emotional suppression and communication issues. It’s essential to validate a child’s emotions, regardless of how they differ from the parent’s own.

Avoiding Perfectionism

Pushing intelligent or self-motivated children to work harder can lead to perfectionism, which can be detrimental to their mental health. Balancing expectations with support is key to fostering a healthy mindset.

Avoiding Over-Attachment

Over-attachment can be suffocating for children. A parent who sacrifices their own life for their children can create a stressful environment, leading to emotional distress and a lack of independence.

Addressing Conflict Fairly

Addressing conflict fairly is crucial. Telling a child that it doesn’t matter who started a fight can lead to manipulation and injustice. Parents should establish clear boundaries and address issues directly.

Apologizing When Wrong

Apologizing when wrong is an important lesson for children. Not acknowledging mistakes can lead to a sense of guilt and resentment, affecting the parent-child relationship.

Avoiding Involving Children in Adult Issues

Involving children in adult problems they cannot control can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety. It’s important to shield children from such situations until they are emotionally ready.

Keeping Promises

Keeping promises is essential for building trust. Breaking promises can make children feel unreliable and unimportant, affecting their sense of security and trust in their parents.

Monday, October 13, 2025

The Heartbreaking Tale of Willow Smith

The Heartbreaking Tale of Willow Smith

Willow Smith's Journey Through Fame and Personal Struggles

Willow Smith, who rose to fame at just 10 years old with her hit song "Whip My Hair," has had a complex journey through the spotlight. Her early success brought both recognition and challenges that have shaped her life in profound ways.

One of the most notable moments in her public life occurred in August 2025 when she posted a tearful selfie on Instagram Stories with the caption, "Who ate all the p***y?" This post sparked mixed reactions from fans, some of whom thought it was a joke while others were concerned about her well-being. Willow later clarified that it was meant to be a quip, but the response showed how difficult it can be for someone in the public eye to manage their image and expectations.

Navigating Relationships with Parents

Willow has been open about the difficulties she faced in her relationship with her parents, Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith. She has often felt at odds with them, especially during her early days of fame. In a 2022 interview with The Guardian, she mentioned, "I always knew I was very different from my parents." This difference led to friction, particularly when she began to experience the pressures of fame.

Her father's actions, such as his infamous slap at the 2022 Oscars, also added to the tension. When asked about it, Willow chose not to discuss it, simply stating, "I love my dad." This response highlighted the complexity of her relationship with her family, as well as the personal boundaries she has set for herself.

Emotional Turmoil and Coping Mechanisms

Willow's early success came with an emotional toll. In her memoir "Will," Will Smith shared insights into Willow's rise to fame, including how he initially tried to convince her to continue touring after she expressed a desire to stop. Willow, feeling overwhelmed, decided to shave her head as a way to signal her decision to step away from the tour. This act was a significant moment for her, marking a turning point in her understanding of her own emotions and struggles.

In a 2022 interview with SiriusXM's "Bevelations," Willow reflected on her feelings of powerlessness at just 11 years old. She admitted that she felt her life was spinning out of control, and that she had to learn to cope with her anxiety. This struggle with mental health continued throughout her career, affecting her relationships and personal growth.

A Difficult Relationship with Her Mother

Willow's relationship with her mother, Jada Pinkett Smith, was not always smooth. During a September 2020 episode of Red Table Talk, Willow spoke about the challenges they faced. Jada admitted that she used shame as a parenting tool, which Willow found hurtful. She recalled instances where she was pushed away for crying, feeling like a bad person for expressing her emotions.

Jada also acknowledged the preferential treatment given to Willow's brother, Jaden Smith, which added to the tension between the siblings. Jada explained that she wanted to toughen up Willow because of the challenges Black women face in the world. Despite these difficulties, Willow has since forgiven her mother and is working on rebuilding their relationship.

Struggles in School and Mental Health

Willow's experiences in school were also challenging. She struggled with mental health issues, which made it hard for her to connect with her peers. In a 2014 interview with The New York Times, she described her school experience as both the best and worst. She felt disconnected from her generation, noting that the language and culture of her peers were evolving in ways she couldn't relate to.

In a 2021 interview with The Face, Willow expressed her concerns about the narcissistic behavior of her peers, highlighting the differences in their values and perspectives.

Experiencing Racism

Willow has also witnessed racism directed at her mother, Jada Pinkett Smith, during her tours. She recalled instances where people were hostile towards her mother, leading to stress and health issues for Jada. Willow later experienced discrimination herself when she expressed her desire to make rock music, facing resistance due to her race.

Dealing with Anxiety and Pressure

Anxiety has been a constant companion for Willow. In a 2021 interview with Yungblud, she spoke candidly about her mental health struggles, which began around the time she released "Whip My Hair." She described feeling afraid and unsafe in her music career, and the pressure to succeed due to her famous parents has been overwhelming.

Willow has also spoken about the pressure to live up to her parents' legacy. In a 2023 interview with Vanity Fair, she mentioned that her anxiety became a part of her identity, but she has since learned to separate her personality from those feelings.

Wednesday, September 3, 2025

A Psychologist's Warning: 8 Hard-to-Notice Guilt-Tripping Phrases

A Psychologist's Warning: 8 Hard-to-Notice Guilt-Tripping Phrases

Featured Image

Understanding Guilt-Tripping in Relationships

Guilt-tripping is a common yet often overlooked issue that can arise in various relationships, whether with a partner, family member, or friend. It involves one person making another feel guilty for a perceived wrongdoing, often to gain some form of control or to shift responsibility onto the other individual. This behavior can be both overt and subtle, and when it becomes a repeated pattern, it can have serious consequences on the emotional well-being of those involved.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Patty Johnson, guilt-tripping can serve as a substitute for expressing needs in a healthy manner. Instead of clearly communicating what they want, individuals may resort to guilt-tripping to get their way. This can lead to resentment on both sides, as the person applying guilt may feel unappreciated, while the recipient feels overwhelmed and uncertain about how to meet the vague expectations.

This cycle of guilt and resentment can create miscommunication, unexpressed needs, and a breakdown in trust. The key to addressing this issue lies in honest and direct communication. By expressing needs clearly and specifically, individuals can foster mutual understanding and respect, which helps prevent the negative effects of guilt-tripping.

Common Subtle Guilt-Tripping Phrases

There are several phrases that might seem harmless at first but can actually be forms of guilt-tripping. Recognizing these can help you respond more effectively and maintain your sense of self-worth.

  1. “I’m really busy right now. I’ll do it later.”
    While this could simply be a statement of fact, it can also be a passive-aggressive way of avoiding a task. If someone says this, it’s important to ask for clarity—such as a timeline or deadline—to ensure the task is actually going to be completed.

  2. “So, I’m just for the worst person for…”
    This sarcastic remark can come from someone feeling defensive. Even if you’ve raised a concern gently, they may use this phrase to deflect blame. A good response is to redirect the focus back to your feelings, such as saying, “I’m expressing how I feel, not insulting you.”

  3. “You’re NEVER late.”
    This phrase might be delivered with a smirk or laugh, masking underlying resentment. It’s important to question whether the comment is truly a joke or if there are deeper emotions at play. You can ask, “Is this a joke, or is there something else you’re feeling?”

  4. “Oh, you should have reminded me you wanted my help.”
    This can make the recipient feel responsible for reminding the other person of their commitment. If this happens, it’s helpful to remind them that they had already agreed to assist, and there was no need for a reminder.

  5. “It might be better if you do it this way.”
    At first glance, this may sound like a helpful suggestion, but it can also be a way of undermining the other person’s autonomy. In response, you can explore the reasoning behind the suggestion and stand firm in your decision, stating, “I feel good about my decision, and I’m not comfortable with changing it.”

  6. “Either is fine. I don’t care.”
    This phrase can be used to avoid making a choice or to express hidden resentment. To counter this, ask for more specific input, such as, “Can you be more specific?”

  7. “I’m tired, but I’ll do it for you.”
    This is a classic example of playing the victim. While it may seem like an honest expression of need, it can also be a way to manipulate the other person into feeling obligated. A good response is to encourage honesty, such as, “I’d rather that you be honest with yourself about whether you’d like to do this or not.”

  8. “Remember what a pain it was to…”
    This phrase is often used to hold past favors over someone’s head. While it may seem like a shared memory, it can also imply that the person is expected to return the favor. You can respond by acknowledging their help and then clarifying your stance, such as, “I appreciate you helping me. But it feels like you’re expecting something in return for doing that.”

How to Respond with Empowerment

The key to dealing with guilt-tripping is to respond with confidence and clarity. Rather than letting the guilt-tripper control the narrative, take the opportunity to assert your boundaries and express your needs. By staying true to yourself and communicating openly, you can protect your emotional well-being and build healthier relationships.

Monday, August 25, 2025

Time Blindness in Relationships: Beyond the Late Arrivals

Time Blindness in Relationships: Beyond the Late Arrivals

Featured Image

Understanding Time Blindness

Time blindness is more than just being late—it's a complex challenge that affects how individuals perceive and manage time. It involves difficulty in recognizing the passage of time, which can lead to challenges in planning and following through on tasks. This condition isn't about laziness or lack of care; rather, it's a struggle that some people face naturally due to differences in brain function.

For many, managing time doesn’t come easily, and this can have significant impacts on personal and professional relationships. Misunderstandings may arise, trust can be shaken, and feelings of hurt can accumulate over time. Recognizing time blindness as a genuine challenge can pave the way for open conversations, the development of new routines, and mutual support instead of blame.

The Science Behind Time Blindness

The ability to perceive and track time is influenced by a combination of brain chemistry and structure. The prefrontal cortex, located behind the forehead, plays a crucial role in scheduling, prioritizing, and monitoring task durations. For individuals with time blindness, this area may not function as effectively, leading to difficulties in gauging time accurately.

Changes in brain chemicals, particularly dopamine, can further disrupt the internal clock, making it challenging to estimate how much time has passed. Conditions like ADHD are often associated with reduced activation in the prefrontal cortex and altered dopamine levels, contributing to struggles with time management.

Additionally, other regions of the brain contribute to time perception, forming a collaborative network. If any part of this system is off, it can lead to misjudgments about time spent or remaining. Research indicates that time perception can vary based on brain chemistry and external stress, suggesting that anyone might experience time-related challenges at times.

This isn’t about being careless or lazy; it’s about how the brain processes time, tasks, and awareness.

Recognizing Time Blindness in Yourself or Your Partner

Time blindness often reveals itself in everyday situations. People with this condition may exhibit patterns that others overlook or misinterpret. Common signs include:

  • Losing Hours: Starting a quick task and realizing hours have passed without progress.
  • Missing Milestones: Anniversaries, birthdays, or deadlines slipping by unexpectedly.
  • Difficulty Estimating Duration: Saying something will take ten minutes but ending up spending forty.
  • Always Playing Catch-Up: Constantly rescheduling or apologizing due to time feeling unpredictable.
  • Ignoring Clocks: Setting alarms or timers but forgetting to notice them.

These patterns can significantly impact daily life, especially if they date back years. Individuals with ADHD, autism, or mood changes may be more prone to experiencing time blindness. Recognizing these signs can be a relief and a turning point in understanding and managing the condition.

How Time Blindness Affects Relationships Beyond Lateness

While lateness is often the focus when discussing time blindness, its impact extends far beyond that. It can affect communication, shared responsibilities, and trust within relationships. Small oversights, such as forgetting to start dinner or losing track of a phone call, can accumulate and lead to frustration and emotional distance.

In relationships, time blindness can cause misunderstandings and emotional fallout. Partners may feel unseen or undervalued, leading to resentment and tension. Even minor slip-ups can spark arguments or cause someone to pull back emotionally. Over time, these issues can erode the connection between partners, making it harder to rebuild trust and maintain a strong relationship.

Impact on Shared Responsibilities and Routines

Time blindness can complicate daily routines and shared responsibilities. Managing chores, appointments, and family obligations becomes a juggling act, with routines that refuse to stick. This can create a sense of isolation and frustration for everyone involved.

Some common challenges include:

  • One person taking on more chores because the other "lost track of time."
  • Missed or double-booked appointments due to unupdated calendars.
  • Shifting bedtime routines that make it difficult for everyone to wind down together.

The disconnect between intention and follow-through can lead to guilt or self-criticism, making it essential to find ways to support each other and adjust routines.

Trust and Reliability Concerns

Repeated time-related struggles can raise concerns about reliability and trust. From an outside perspective, these issues may seem like broken promises, even if there's no bad intent behind them. It's important to understand that time blindness is not the same as being careless or unreliable.

Open communication is key to addressing these concerns. Discussing time blindness honestly can help both partners find tools and strategies to manage it together. Using reminders, alarms, and shared calendars can provide structure and support.

Strategies for Navigating Time Blindness in Relationships

Managing time blindness in relationships requires open communication, empathy, and practical tools. Honest conversations focused on solutions rather than blame can strengthen the bond between partners. Using "I" statements, staying curious, and avoiding assumptions can foster understanding and support.

Tools such as timers, alarms, reminders, and shared digital calendars can help manage daily routines more effectively. Incorporating analog clocks and planners can also make time more tangible. Breaking tasks into smaller chunks and setting timers for each can make it easier to stay on track.

Building empathy and patience is essential. Putting oneself in the other person's shoes, practicing active listening, and celebrating small wins can create a supportive environment. Reassigning or rotating tasks can also help alleviate the burden and promote teamwork.

By working together and showing compassion, couples can navigate the challenges of time blindness and build stronger, more resilient relationships.

Friday, July 25, 2025

The End of an Era for Carrie in 'And Just Like That...'

The End of an Era for Carrie in 'And Just Like That...'

Featured Image

Unpacking the Tensions in Aidan and Carrie’s Relationship

Seema might be concerned about body odor, but what truly stinks is the state of Aidan and Carrie’s relationship. Despite Aidan staying at their apartment for an extended period, old memories and unresolved issues continue to hinder their progress. This dynamic sets the stage for a complicated episode that delves into the challenges each character faces, both personally and in their relationships.

One of the most notable moments occurs when Aidan interacts with Carrie’s neighbor, Duncan. In season 3, episode 9, Aidan sits on the backyard terrace with Duncan, engaging him in a conversation that quickly turns into an interrogation. He asks why Duncan smokes a pipe, and Duncan reveals it's partly due to his ex-wife. Aidan reacts strongly to the smoking, echoing his past concerns about Carrie. Carrie believes Aidan feels threatened—not by Duncan, but by her. Her past actions, including her smoking and infidelity with Big, have eroded his trust, making Duncan a potential trigger for him. However, one wonders if Aidan has truly moved past these issues.

Personal Struggles and Complicated Dynamics

The rest of the friend group also grapples with their own challenges. Charlotte continues to struggle with vertigo, taking center stage in her only solo scene of the episode. Meanwhile, Lisa's husband, Herbert, who is running for public office, faces difficulties sticking to a diet. Lisa suggests he try Ozempic, a common solution for weight management. Seema receives a crystal from Adam to use as deodorant, but her attempt ends in embarrassment when she rushes to a high-profile meeting in a sweat, drawing attention to the scent of B.O. from the crystal.

Anthony’s efforts to impress Giuseppe’s mother, Gia, are met with resistance. He attempts to win her over with a home-cooked dinner, but Gia criticizes his risotto and even tries to pay him off to break up with Giuseppe. Her behavior reflects a fear of her son ending up in a similar situation, having married a much older man herself. The tense exchange culminates in Gia throwing food and plates off the table before expressing regret. While the scene ends with Gia giving up on separating Giuseppe and Anthony, it highlights the strange and disjointed nature of the episode.

Moments of Sensitivity and Honesty

Despite the tension, there are moments of sensitivity and honesty. Miranda comes clean to Joy about her alcoholism, sharing why she threw away her bottle of gin. Joy tries to understand, but she recognizes that drinking around Miranda only makes her feel worse. Miranda reassures her that she doesn’t have to worry, and they agree to accept each other’s emotional baggage.

Carrie and Aidan also face their own struggles. When Carrie is in a writing workshop with Duncan, Aidan interrupts to invite them to dinner. Carrie declines, saying she won’t be back until late. Aidan leaves defeated, leaving raw T-bones on the kitchen counter. When Carrie returns, she snuggles up with Aidan, but he pushes her away, telling her to shower because she reeks of smoke. She does so and ends up sleeping in another room.

A Breakdown and Reflections

By morning, things remain unresolved. Carrie takes a walk to clear her head, leading her to a department store where Andy Cohen makes a brief cameo. Before she can try on heels, Aidan invites her to lunch to discuss everything. At the sidewalk table, their conversation falls apart due to grammatical errors. Aidan mentions his trust issues with Carrie and other men, which leads Carrie to question why he still has trouble trusting her now. She feels she has done nothing wrong and is tired of trying to fix their relationship.

Carrie points out that she has put in so much effort into their “wait for me for five years” agreement, which Aidan broke by sleeping with Kathy. She realizes she has nothing left to give and acknowledges that they both need 100 percent from each other. Their relationship ends with a tearful embrace and the playing of Taylor Swift’s “How Did It End?”

A New Chapter?

Even as an Aidan fan, it’s clear that the relationship between Aidan and Carrie is being put to bed. The episode attempts to recreate the spark between them but falls short, with the chemistry feeling forced and unnatural. The pacing of their relationship arc this season was also inconsistent, with hints of their incompatibility creeping in too slowly before a sudden return of Aidan’s past trauma.

In the final scenes, Carrie meets up with Charlotte, Miranda, and Seema, marking both a homecoming and the beginning of a new chapter. With both of her great loves out of the picture, Carrie may finally have the chance to start fresh.