My Life Crashed at 40. Lifting Saved Me.
A Journey Through Grief, Strength, and Self-Discovery
A few years ago, I found myself in a challenging chapter of my life. As a self-employed personal trainer and co-owner of a digital fitness platform, I was at a crossroads, unsure of my business direction and my larger purpose. This uncertainty was especially daunting as I approached my 40s, with the creeping fear that my life wasn’t unfolding as it should.
On top of this, I experienced the loss of my grandmother and uncle, and I went through a painful separation from my business partner and long-term boyfriend. The relationship had been a significant part of my life, and the emotional toll was immense. To make matters worse, we had planned to move to Mexico City, which became my primary home. In this new environment, I was alone, not knowing anyone except for my dog, and navigating daily life in a second language.
During this time, my solace came from solo gym sessions. Lifting weights gave me a sense of peace and familiarity. The gym became a place where I could release emotions, process grief, and find a temporary escape from my struggles. I built a small gym on my apartment’s patio and joined a local gym to have somewhere to go. Training in both spaces allowed me to feel like time was suspended, giving me a brief respite from sadness, loneliness, and grief.
Entering male-dominated spaces like the gym helped me feel strong. I started filming my workouts and sharing them on Instagram, showcasing my strength and vulnerability. With sweatpants and a little makeup, I grunted and moved barbells like a powerful woman. Over time, I complemented my training with biweekly sessions with a mindset coach, who I still work with today. Our conversations focused on learning to believe that things were happening for me rather than to me.
Embracing a New Perspective
The more I worked with my coach and trained, the more I realized that resistance training was my form of true resistance. She helped me understand that much of the stress I felt stemmed from societal pressures about how an adult woman should behave as a business owner, in relationships, or as she approaches her 40s.
Strength training became a feminist act of rebellion. Building visible muscle and taking up physical space is often not seen as aspirational for women in Western culture. We are bombarded with images of lean, toned bodies and unreachable ideals. The wins we’re told to pursue are often about maintaining appearances until a certain age when it doesn’t matter.
To sweat, grunt, and have calloused hands is a statement against the patriarchal norms that define femininity. When I was drowning in the abyss of my life, one lift at a time, I repeated my mantra: "Things are happening for me." Building physical strength gave me inner confidence, showing me that I could control how my body felt, looked, and performed.
Finding Power and Confidence
Women who lift heavy things are more likely to stand taller, use their voices, and take no s***. In early 2025, I reflected on my journey of building muscle, regaining confidence, and mourning loss. I can say with certainty that lifting heavy things in the gym—expressing my femininity in a traditionally masculine way—felt like opening a door to parts of myself I never had the courage to see before.
I found power through physical strength training, existing without self-imposed labels or limits. Today, I’m single and living in the Pacific Northwest with my dog and best friend. I left my relationship and life in Mexico City, moving past relationships that were out of alignment and welcoming new people into my life. I’ve embraced career opportunities that feel right and listened to my body, resting, sleeping, moving weight, eating nourishing meals, and enjoying doing nothing.
At 41, I’ve relearned that physical strength is a hidden path to confidence, something many women miss in their lives. The most rewarding experience as a strength training coach has been introducing women to the weight room, helping them take a step on the path and build a muscle-mindset revolution.
Even if you’re in a place of contentment, the tides will turn, and a muscled body will help you weather life's storms with unwavering confidence and poise. My plea to you, and all women, is to remember that things are happening for you. When you feel weak inside, fuel your strength outside and see how you transform. There will always be a barbell waiting.