9 Signs of Unmatched Self-Control in Women

9 Signs of Unmatched Self-Control in Women

M Hasan    7:15 AM   

Understanding the Power of Self-Control in Women

Self-control is often seen as a quiet strength, but for many women, it's a powerful tool that enables them to navigate life with grace and purpose. This inner discipline allows them to manage impulses, emotions, and behaviors in alignment with their deeper values and long-term goals. The result? A more fulfilling life filled with success in relationships, careers, and personal growth.

1. Delayed Gratification

One of the most recognizable traits of self-controlled women is their ability to delay gratification. This means they choose to wait for something better in the future rather than settling for immediate pleasure. This skill is evident in various aspects of life, from financial decisions—such as saving instead of splurging—to career moves where they might opt for additional training over quick promotions.

At home, this trait might manifest as skipping an evening TV binge to ensure proper rest for an important meeting the next day. Studies like the famous Stanford Marshmallow Experiment highlight how those who master delayed gratification tend to achieve greater life success, better health outcomes, and stronger relationships over time.

2. Emotional Regulation

Another key trait is emotional regulation. When chaos erupts around her, she remains calm and composed, acting as the eye of the storm. She doesn’t let her emotions dictate her actions, allowing her to handle heated arguments without saying things she’ll regret later.

This isn't about suppressing feelings but rather acknowledging them and expressing them constructively. For instance, she might feel angry but pause before responding or feel hurt but ask clarifying questions instead of making accusations. These women often become trusted mediators in their families and workplaces, bringing calm to tense situations and modeling healthy emotional expression for others.

3. Consistent Habits and Routines

Consistency is another hallmark of self-controlled women. They establish morning rituals such as meditation, journaling, or exercise that set the tone for their day. These routines aren’t just activities; they’re anchors that ground their lives in purposeful consistency.

By creating systems that make good choices automatic, they avoid the exhausting cycle of motivation-burnout-restart. Meal prep on Sundays eliminates weekday food decisions, and an evening routine signals their brain it’s time to wind down, improving sleep quality without requiring willpower.

4. Goal-Oriented Thinking

These women naturally think in terms of goals. While others may simply hope for a promotion, they identify the skills gap between their current position and their target role and systematically close it. Their calendars reflect their priorities, not just appointments, with blocks dedicated to learning, relationship-building, and personal development.

They regularly review their progress, celebrating wins and adjusting strategies that aren’t working. Most impressively, they maintain flexibility within structure, recalibrating timelines or approaches when life throws curveballs while keeping their eyes fixed on meaningful destinations.

5. Impulse Control

Impulse control is another critical trait. A woman with strong self-control might abandon a shopping cart filled with tempting items, recognizing the difference between momentary wanting and genuine needing. This everyday victory represents powerful neural pathways at work.

She controls her attention, not the other way around. During important conversations, her phone stays tucked away, and she avoids firing off heated texts when emotions flare. By strategically designing her environment, she makes impulse control easier by removing temptations when possible.

6. Mindful Decision-Making

Mindful decision-making is another defining characteristic. Her signature phrase, “Let me think about that,” reflects her value of the space between stimulus and response. Her decisions emerge from values rather than fleeting emotions or external pressures.

Before committing to projects or relationships, she considers alignment with her core principles and long-term vision. This thoughtfulness extends to small choices too, ensuring her contributions add genuine value. Friends marvel at her ability to say exactly what she means, a rare quality in our reactive world.

7. Resilience Under Pressure

Resilience under pressure is another notable trait. When faced with a looming deadline or team panic, she remains steady, offering solutions rather than complaints. Her resilience toolkit includes perspective-shifting questions that prevent catastrophizing and keep problems properly sized.

Physical practices support her mental fortitude, such as deep breathing exercises, regular exercise, or adequate sleep. These foundations allow her to bend without breaking when life’s storms blow strongest, emerging from challenges with wisdom and strength to share.

8. Self-Awareness and Reflection

Self-awareness and reflection are also crucial. Through journaling, meditation, or thoughtful walks, these women gain insights into patterns, triggers, and growth edges. This self-knowledge creates freedom, allowing them to work with their nature rather than against it.

By understanding their tendencies, they can build in pause points or set decision deadlines, turning potential pitfalls into opportunities for growth.

9. Strong Boundaries

Finally, strong boundaries are essential. A self-controlled woman knows how to say no gracefully, setting clear limits that protect her priorities. These boundaries aren’t walls but well-tended fences with gates she mindfully opens or closes.

Time, energy, and information boundaries help her distinguish between relationships that fill her cup and those that drain it. By honoring her limits, she shows up fully when she does commit, creating trust and clarity in her relationships.

IVF Journeys Go Public: Sharing Triumphs and Trials Online

IVF Journeys Go Public: Sharing Triumphs and Trials Online

M Hasan    4:00 PM   

The Journey of Sharing and Connection

After experiencing multiple pregnancy losses and several failed rounds of in vitro fertilization (IVF), Cheryl Dowling found herself in one of the most challenging periods of her life. She began sharing her journey on social media, hoping to find connection and a way to process her emotions. "Infertility was consuming every aspect of my life, yet no one around me seemed to see or understand the weight of it," she explains. Through her health platform and community, the IVF Warrior, Dowling has become a prominent figure in the infertility space. She has written a book titled Unspoken: The Unbearable Weight of Infertility and gained 127,000 Instagram followers.

When she started sharing her story, the response was overwhelming. "I quickly saw how many others were struggling, often feeling the same complicated mix of emotions," she says. Despite the global impact of infertility—where one in six people are affected, 10% to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and nearly 100,000 babies are born via IVF in the U.S. annually—there is still stigma attached to fertility treatments and infertility. This stigma, along with the silence that surrounds it, may be why many couples, especially women, are turning to social media and podcasting to find community, share their stories, and inspire others.

Why People Share Their Stories

For many, the decision to share their struggles with infertility stems from a deep need for connection and understanding. Demi Schweers, who documented her and her husband's journey through IVF, recalls starting the process organically. "I was in the thick of it, feeling alone, overwhelmed, and confused, and I realized if I’m feeling this way, there have to be others who are too," she says. The Schweerses now have over 2 million followers on TikTok, where they engage in frank conversations about the challenges of becoming parents.

Abbe Feder and her husband started the award-winning IVF podcast Maculate Conception. They didn’t initially plan to go public but found themselves documenting their experience as a way to cope with the emotional toll. "We had no intention of becoming voices in the infertility community, but as we kept documenting our experience, it became clear that others were craving exactly that: honesty, validation, and connection."

Actress Laura Orrico began sharing her journey a decade ago after her husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. He passed away in 2015, and she is now in her second trimester at 48 years old, thanks to IVF using her late husband’s sperm. Her choice to share this stage of her life came from a desire to connect with others facing similar challenges. "If I can help other women make this difficult decision, or inspire them to go through it alone, or at an older age, or after getting widowed, then it's worth it," she says.

The Challenges of Sharing

Sharing these personal experiences online comes with its own set of anxieties and pressures. Dowling admits she felt the pressure to constantly show up, even on days when she was struggling. "I thought I had to be strong for everyone else, even when I was breaking inside," she says. Over time, she learned to balance showing up with protecting her boundaries.

Orrico also worried about sharing more than she was comfortable with. "Getting through the first several weeks of appointments, I was nervous to post anything until I got to my next marker," she says. Parfet, who has shared her struggles with endometriosis and infertility, notes that finding the right care team helped her navigate the emotional challenges. "Our stories don’t need to be sanitized or made palatable to be worth sharing," she adds.

The Importance of Transparency

Sharing candid stories often means revealing aspects of the journey that were never expected. Feder recalls one of the hardest things they shared publicly: their experience with termination for medical reasons (TFMR), which is a clinical term for abortion. After years of failed IVF procedures, they became pregnant with three embryos. Due to serious health risks, they had to make the painful decision to reduce to two. "It was an abortion. And it was heartbreaking," she says.

The decision to share that part of their story was difficult, but it felt important to be transparent. "People need to understand that abortion is part of fertility care. That it’s not black-and-white. That it’s health care," Feder recalls her husband saying. "And he was right."

The Emotional Impact of Fertility Journeys

For many creators, IVF eventually leads to having a child, but some worry about sending the message that overcoming infertility is inevitable. Parfet, now a mother after years of trying, questions whether her voice is still relevant. "Now that I have a child, I sometimes wonder if my voice is still one people want or need to hear. I question whether my experience feels too far removed from the uncertainty so many are still living inside."

Schweers, now a mom of two, also worries about the impact of sharing moments of joy. "When I got pregnant or shared a moment of joy, I worried it might hurt someone who was still waiting for their turn. I never want anyone to feel like I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in that place of waiting and longing."

A Cautionary Note

Dr. Iris Insogna of Columbia University Fertility Center notes that many of her patients mention IVF influencers and the positive impact they’ve had in reducing the stigma of fertility treatment. However, she cautions patients to interpret what they learn online carefully. "Not every journey is the same, and each individual will have a different path. Ultimately, decisions about medical care should be made between the patient and the provider, not based on information from social media."

Feder also reminds her followers that she is not a medical professional. "So many people are desperate for answers, they might follow influencers who aren’t medical experts and end up getting harmful or misleading advice," she says.

The Future of IVF Conversations

While the conversations around IVF continue to evolve, the costs associated with the procedures remain prohibitive for many. IVF is not universally covered by insurance, and in many cases, it remains highly politicized. Additionally, fertility care often overlooks the emotional toll of the treatments. "Clinics and media often focus on the physical treatments and outcomes, while the mental and emotional impact is still overlooked," says Dowling. "Many people, especially women, still feel blamed or judged for needing medical help to build their families."

Creating a platform for emotional care is at the heart of what many of these influencers do. "Mostly, it’s about making people feel less invisible," Parfet says about sharing her experience with both IVF and endometriosis.

As more people choose to share their journeys, the conversation around infertility continues to grow. For many, it’s about finding connection, reducing stigma, and helping others feel less alone. "Will this help someone feel less alone?" Schweers asks. "If the answer is yes, I try my best to be brave and share it."

The Secret I've Carried for 56 Years — Now Revealed to Save Lives

The Secret I've Carried for 56 Years — Now Revealed to Save Lives

M Hasan    8:31 AM   

A Personal Story of Abortion Before Legalization

In 1957, as I prepared to leave England for the United States, my mother offered me some final advice. Instead of the usual words of wisdom about marriage or life, she gave me a method to terminate a pregnancy. She suggested boiling half a bottle of red wine and drinking it while it was hot, then standing on a chair and jumping off several times. Her recommendation was unusual, but not uncommon at the time.

At that point in history, abortion was not only illegal but also dangerous. In the United Kingdom, many women used knitting needles to end their pregnancies, while in the United States, wire coat hangers were a common tool. My mother believed her method was safer. However, I found her advice amusing and did not take it seriously. I planned to be fitted with a diaphragm upon arriving in America, as I was confident I could avoid unplanned pregnancies.

Upon my arrival, I looked up obstetricians in the yellow pages and found a doctor nearby. To my disappointment, she refused to fit me, stating I should return after I was married. This was the same policy in Britain, where contraception was only available to married women. My wedding was just two weeks away, and I wondered what this doctor thought would happen on my honeymoon.

Our first child, Ruth, was born two years after our marriage, followed by Dan 21 months later. Caring for two young children was exhausting, but I found it exhilarating. Watching them grow was like witnessing a miracle. Then, three and a half years later, I discovered I was pregnant again.

During my morning sickness, Ruth and Dan both contracted German measles, or rubella. I knew the risks—pregnancy during the first trimester could lead to serious birth defects, including deafness, cataracts, heart problems, developmental disabilities, and even stillbirth. When I asked my obstetrician what he would do if I caught rubella, he simply shrugged and said, “Nothing.” A friend who had the same experience attempted suicide and spent the rest of her life in a vegetative state.

After our third child, Jonathan, was born, we moved to Berkeley, where I was fitted with an IUD. Ezra’s architectural practice was thriving, and he was teaching at UC Berkeley. He often traveled, leaving me to manage three children with different needs. I felt overwhelmed and inadequate as a parent.

In 1969, when Jonathan entered kindergarten, I returned to my studies at the University of California. Life finally felt more balanced. But one morning, I woke up with the familiar signs of early pregnancy. I denied the possibility at first, relying on my IUD, which I believed to be 99% effective. However, I was part of that unlucky 1%.

The thought of carrying a baby alongside the IUD terrified me. What damage could it cause? More importantly, I couldn’t handle another child. Life was just beginning to feel normal, and the idea of a fourth child filled me with dread.

I made an appointment with my obstetrician, who confirmed the pregnancy. I told him I was resigned to having another baby, but he sensed my reluctance. “Go home and talk to your husband,” he said. “If you decide you don’t want to continue, call my office and say you’re bleeding heavily. I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

I was stunned. For the first time, I felt a sense of relief. The doctor was offering me a choice, something I never thought possible. After discussing it with Ezra, we both agreed we didn’t want another child.

The next day, I called the doctor’s office and lied about heavy bleeding. Ezra drove me to the hospital, where we met the doctor. As I was wheeled into the operating room, the nurse squeezed my hand and said, “You’ll be fine.” That was the last thing I remembered.

When I awoke, I was relieved and grateful. Ezra brought me my favorite ice cream, and we shared our feelings of relief. I didn’t tell anyone about the procedure. I was afraid of the legal consequences, and I kept the secret until now.

Had my doctor not offered this option, I might have gone to Mexico or faced the dangers of illegal procedures. Many women suffered from botched abortions or lacked access to healthcare altogether. I was risk-averse and would have likely carried the pregnancy to term, leading to a life of exhaustion and resentment.

Today, at 92, I still feel anger toward legislators who force women to carry pregnancies against their will. Women are often portrayed as foolish teenagers, but many mature women with families face these difficult decisions. Right-to-life advocates focus on rare procedures while ignoring the suffering of women who undergo them.

I share my story now because I believe it can help wake people up to the dangers of restricting reproductive rights. We are returning to a time when women are denied control over their bodies. Doctors fear following the example of my obstetrician, and women with complications are left to suffer.

Stories of regret after abortion are common in antiabortion circles, but my experience was the opposite. It allowed us to have the family we wanted. I have no regrets.

I will always be grateful to my doctor, who risked his career to help me. Now, women are forced to resort to unsafe methods, just as they did before abortion became legal. We are returning to the days of coat hangers and knitting needles.

Cynthia Ehrenkrantz is a writer and storyteller. She was born in Britain and immigrated to the United States in 1957. Her memoir, “Seeking Shelter: Memoir of a Jewish Girlhood in Wartime Britain,” is available wherever books are sold. She lives in Westchester County, New York.

Why Is Women's Mental Health Research So Far Behind?

Why Is Women's Mental Health Research So Far Behind?

M Hasan    12:10 AM   

The Rising Mental Health Crisis and the Gender Gap

A global mental health crisis is intensifying, with women experiencing a disproportionate share of the burden. While men tend to have higher rates of antisocial personality and substance use disorders, women are 20% to 40% more likely to suffer from mental health disorders overall. They are twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and eating disorders. This gap is further complicated by the fact that conditions once considered more common in men are now becoming more prevalent among women.

For instance, alcohol use disorder has seen a significant increase in both sexes. From 2001/2002 to 2012/2013, annual diagnosis rates in men increased by 35%, while in women, the rate rose by an astonishing 84%. These trends highlight the growing need for gender-specific research and treatment approaches.

The Lack of Research on Women's Mental Health

The soaring rates of mental health disorders in women are particularly concerning, especially given the limited understanding of the biological factors that contribute to these conditions. Historically, medical research has underrepresented females, leading to a significant knowledge gap. This bias stems from outdated assumptions that male bodies are the standard, along with concerns about hormonal fluctuations affecting research outcomes.

As a result, most studies have focused on males, with findings generalized to females. This approach persists in many human and animal studies, despite recent efforts to change it. For example, only 20% of animal studies between 2015 and 2019 included both sexes, and only 29% of clinical trials for alcohol use disorder between 2010 and 2019 involved women.

This disparity means that most drug treatments for mental health disorders are developed and tested primarily on males, often overlooking important biological differences in women. Consequently, treatment outcomes for women may be less effective and carry greater risks of side effects.

The Need for Personalized Treatment Options

There is an urgent need for more personalized treatment options that account for biological sex differences. This includes developing therapies that consider how mental health disorders affect men and women differently. Addressing this gap could lead to better treatment outcomes and improved safety for all patients.

One promising approach is the use of translatable animal models, which allow researchers to study the brain in detail. These models help investigate specific aspects of mental health disorders and screen potential drugs before human trials. For example, a recent study published in Nature Communications used a mouse model of binge drinking to explore how the brain drives alcohol consumption differently in males and females.

The Role of Ghrelin in Alcohol Consumption

The study focused on the hormone ghrelin, commonly known as the "hunger hormone." Produced in the stomach, ghrelin signals the brain when to eat. However, its role extends beyond appetite. Preclinical and clinical studies have linked ghrelin to alcohol craving and consumption.

In this study, researchers examined ghrelin’s effect on the Edinger-Westphal nucleus, a small brain region with high levels of ghrelin receptors. They found that reducing ghrelin receptor expression in this area decreased binge drinking in female mice but had no impact on males. Notably, female sex hormones did not influence this outcome.

Through follow-up studies, the team identified the specific ghrelin receptor cells responsible for regulating binge drinking in females. This finding highlights the complex ways in which the brain can drive alcohol consumption differently between the sexes.

A Call for Inclusive Research

It is essential that future research improves our understanding of how mental health conditions affect both men and women. Many medical research organizations are beginning to address this issue. For example, the U.S. National Institutes of Health now requires consideration of biological sex in funded research. Similarly, the National Health and Medical Research Council in Australia released a statement in July 2024 urging researchers to consider sex and gender in their work.

Addressing the gender knowledge and health gap is a shared goal that can lead to more personalized and effective treatments. By including both sexes in research, we can uncover critical insights that benefit everyone, especially women.