The Journey of Sharing and Connection
After experiencing multiple pregnancy losses and several failed rounds of in vitro fertilization (IVF), Cheryl Dowling found herself in one of the most challenging periods of her life. She began sharing her journey on social media, hoping to find connection and a way to process her emotions. "Infertility was consuming every aspect of my life, yet no one around me seemed to see or understand the weight of it," she explains. Through her health platform and community, the IVF Warrior, Dowling has become a prominent figure in the infertility space. She has written a book titled Unspoken: The Unbearable Weight of Infertility and gained 127,000 Instagram followers.
When she started sharing her story, the response was overwhelming. "I quickly saw how many others were struggling, often feeling the same complicated mix of emotions," she says. Despite the global impact of infertility—where one in six people are affected, 10% to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and nearly 100,000 babies are born via IVF in the U.S. annually—there is still stigma attached to fertility treatments and infertility. This stigma, along with the silence that surrounds it, may be why many couples, especially women, are turning to social media and podcasting to find community, share their stories, and inspire others.
Why People Share Their Stories
For many, the decision to share their struggles with infertility stems from a deep need for connection and understanding. Demi Schweers, who documented her and her husband's journey through IVF, recalls starting the process organically. "I was in the thick of it, feeling alone, overwhelmed, and confused, and I realized if I’m feeling this way, there have to be others who are too," she says. The Schweerses now have over 2 million followers on TikTok, where they engage in frank conversations about the challenges of becoming parents.
Abbe Feder and her husband started the award-winning IVF podcast Maculate Conception. They didn’t initially plan to go public but found themselves documenting their experience as a way to cope with the emotional toll. "We had no intention of becoming voices in the infertility community, but as we kept documenting our experience, it became clear that others were craving exactly that: honesty, validation, and connection."
Actress Laura Orrico began sharing her journey a decade ago after her husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. He passed away in 2015, and she is now in her second trimester at 48 years old, thanks to IVF using her late husband’s sperm. Her choice to share this stage of her life came from a desire to connect with others facing similar challenges. "If I can help other women make this difficult decision, or inspire them to go through it alone, or at an older age, or after getting widowed, then it's worth it," she says.
The Challenges of Sharing
Sharing these personal experiences online comes with its own set of anxieties and pressures. Dowling admits she felt the pressure to constantly show up, even on days when she was struggling. "I thought I had to be strong for everyone else, even when I was breaking inside," she says. Over time, she learned to balance showing up with protecting her boundaries.
Orrico also worried about sharing more than she was comfortable with. "Getting through the first several weeks of appointments, I was nervous to post anything until I got to my next marker," she says. Parfet, who has shared her struggles with endometriosis and infertility, notes that finding the right care team helped her navigate the emotional challenges. "Our stories don’t need to be sanitized or made palatable to be worth sharing," she adds.
The Importance of Transparency
Sharing candid stories often means revealing aspects of the journey that were never expected. Feder recalls one of the hardest things they shared publicly: their experience with termination for medical reasons (TFMR), which is a clinical term for abortion. After years of failed IVF procedures, they became pregnant with three embryos. Due to serious health risks, they had to make the painful decision to reduce to two. "It was an abortion. And it was heartbreaking," she says.
The decision to share that part of their story was difficult, but it felt important to be transparent. "People need to understand that abortion is part of fertility care. That it’s not black-and-white. That it’s health care," Feder recalls her husband saying. "And he was right."
The Emotional Impact of Fertility Journeys
For many creators, IVF eventually leads to having a child, but some worry about sending the message that overcoming infertility is inevitable. Parfet, now a mother after years of trying, questions whether her voice is still relevant. "Now that I have a child, I sometimes wonder if my voice is still one people want or need to hear. I question whether my experience feels too far removed from the uncertainty so many are still living inside."
Schweers, now a mom of two, also worries about the impact of sharing moments of joy. "When I got pregnant or shared a moment of joy, I worried it might hurt someone who was still waiting for their turn. I never want anyone to feel like I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in that place of waiting and longing."
A Cautionary Note
Dr. Iris Insogna of Columbia University Fertility Center notes that many of her patients mention IVF influencers and the positive impact they’ve had in reducing the stigma of fertility treatment. However, she cautions patients to interpret what they learn online carefully. "Not every journey is the same, and each individual will have a different path. Ultimately, decisions about medical care should be made between the patient and the provider, not based on information from social media."
Feder also reminds her followers that she is not a medical professional. "So many people are desperate for answers, they might follow influencers who aren’t medical experts and end up getting harmful or misleading advice," she says.
The Future of IVF Conversations
While the conversations around IVF continue to evolve, the costs associated with the procedures remain prohibitive for many. IVF is not universally covered by insurance, and in many cases, it remains highly politicized. Additionally, fertility care often overlooks the emotional toll of the treatments. "Clinics and media often focus on the physical treatments and outcomes, while the mental and emotional impact is still overlooked," says Dowling. "Many people, especially women, still feel blamed or judged for needing medical help to build their families."
Creating a platform for emotional care is at the heart of what many of these influencers do. "Mostly, it’s about making people feel less invisible," Parfet says about sharing her experience with both IVF and endometriosis.
As more people choose to share their journeys, the conversation around infertility continues to grow. For many, it’s about finding connection, reducing stigma, and helping others feel less alone. "Will this help someone feel less alone?" Schweers asks. "If the answer is yes, I try my best to be brave and share it."